St Louis/Atlanta Match Report

ST. LOUIS, MO- In their first game of the MAAFL season, St. Louis broke from the gate with early speed and cruised to a home-field triumph 14.13.97 to 5.8.38 over the Kookaburras.  Atlanta continued to run hard after finding itself down 46-1 at the end of the first quarter, but Kooks never menaced.
Mike "Stair-Step" Gaffney anchored a defense that held the plucky Peach State squad to thirteen scoring chances, earning him heaps of accolades, and he has not looked the same since fame attached itself to his noble visage.  When asked about his stellar play, Stair-Step said, "Eddie, the taco is damaged."  Gaffney was assisted on the back line by the able James "85" Martin, who had his best game ever.  This reporter is not kidding: best game ever.  Nevertheless, it was not enough to knock the Gaffer out of position (what is?), so Stair-Step adds to his trophy case The Most Coveted Award In All Of Sports, The Match Report One-Percenter Award, although the game he played was almost too obviously good to earn the award.  But it is well deserved.  Gaffney left his heart and soul on the Buder Park field, and even more of himself at Llywelyn's.
The early game scoring barrage was set up in large measure by One-Percenter runner up, Daniel "Grease Board" Sarbacker, whose deft handling of the ball and pen was a bit too mighty for the 'burras.  Greasy kept the ball moving for the Azure Archers, but the plurality of the scoring itself was slotted by Joseph "Technicolor" Schomaker, who kicked four majors and a behind or two.  Shoe covered the field like a sparse and patchy blanket of grass, and his play earned him the Match Report Best On Ground Award.  Sticks "Phil 'Little Orphan Annie' Brereton" trailed only the Amazing Shoe in points on the day, having about a gross of set shots from inside of 15 meters with which he converted two big scores and a couple of behinds- glory be, the aging one managed to take some marks.
After the Bowmen's early scoring binge, the game was played mostly even.  Mostly.  Atlanta never gave up, and the afternoon turned into what appeared to be a hard fought running, disposing and hitting contest.  Steve "Hello!" Aderholt laid the hit of day, planting a face-up kiss to stop a Kooka scoring chance in the second half.  And even the Venerable D-1 ran and hit.  At one point, the berecspectacled one dished out four successive "tackles," following the ball from Kooka to Kooka, disposal after disposal, doing his finest imitation of a pin ball, and even getting out of the blocks to provide a forward option when the Team That Dresses With The Hue Of the Gathering Darkness scooped up the loose ball.  Likely, an Atlanta player may have even noticed one of the hits.
Although Shoey's showy shots garnered the most immediate attention, the Sarbackian midfield is what controlled the game when it needed controlling, which it did, you know, after the first quarter, when things evened out a bit, as the game wore on, and whatnot.  The Blues ball movement continued to improve.  Matty "What R" Haren made his presence known, Andy "Bucky" Buchanan and Damien "Lizard Man" Mills provided uncounted (as distinct from countless) options, and the rambling nature of this story should make it clear that your humble narrator's grasp on the details of the game are as fuzzy as Gaffney's trip down memory lane.
Hey, Jaime had quite a mark, and scored a sixer.  The Blues inched farther away from Atlanta in the second stanza, and the game stood 10.7.67 to 2.2.14 at the large rest.  The premiership quarter was scored even with each team notching two goals and three behinds.  The fourth period was even, as well, but for a goal by the Blues after the siren to end things the way they began, just like a big circle does.  Josh "Peter" Smith surprised everyone with the finest performance of his career.  Pete was flying around the field like a piper cub, he took marks, he avoided covering the more skilled players and he disposed of the ball well.  With any luck, some day Pierre will play that well for the Blues.
The game saw the return of Colin "No Hundo Here" Carroll and the departure of Clint "Scholarship" Gray.  Au revoir, Clinton, we hardly knew ye.  When asked about it, Lindenwood's track coach said, "Footy- yeah, that's the game."
Best On Ground: Joseph Schomaker, Michael Gaffney, Daniel Sarbacker
Goals: Joseph Schomaker (4), Dan Sarbacker (2), Phillip Brereton (2), Colin Carroll (2), Benjamin Lipman, Clinton Gray, Matt Jagger, Jaime Wilson

- Benjamin Lipman

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